Hidden scar.

E8. After all those waking up in the morning doing ten year series for almost 24 hours a day for more than a month. It's like my heart was being pierced by a lightning strike. It'll never be cured. It makes me think that fate makes dreams broken. I just couldn't understand why. After work, i went back home and straight into my room. I cried my lungs out. Like a small kid being canned by their parents with no reason. Asking why do i deserve this. Why do i have to face this? Where was my mistake?

But then, i realise that things had already happen. No use thinking about the past. The only way to solve this is to find ways to get over it. Maybe Allah knows better what's good and what's bad for me. The key to success is patience, that's what they've said.

And finally, i've let it out to Mummy. She asked me why do i keep worrying about money. About school fees and stuff. You know why? Firstly, i've disappoint my parents for not getting higher points for PSLE. And because of that, i have to spend 5 years in Secondary school. Then, I fail two important subjects for O'level. And now, i've wasted another year retaking O'level maths. I feel like, i was a burden to them. They have to pay extra because of me.. Though sometimes i did manage to pay for myself. But i lose my parents pride. Unlike Naazira who smoothly went to Poly and finishing soon. See now? Can anybody understand what i'm trying to explain here? That's the reason why i learn to be independent. I don't want my parents to take care of my mistakes. I had enough. I don't want to feel guilty anymore.

Then.. mummy said this, "I start to question myself. Why do you have to go through this? Compared to you and Naazira, you always listen to me. Help me. Dependable. You're such a good daughter to me. All those patience you kept when i asked you to do too much stuff. Even though you get mad, you still obey my orders. I feel so sorry for you''. :'C .... I'm touched.

So now, where am i heading? Most probably NAFA. Last year i was too late cause all courses were full. This time, i apply it on Monday evening. I don't quite care where I'm going. As long that i'm back to school. I'm happy enough. Working life is not fun at a young age. Seriously. No life at all. Let me be a student again, please!! And i've promised myself to work and earn enough for NAFA before school reopens. Of course i can, i know i can!

If you were to see me acting normal, like nothing happen. I'm just letting the past go. But deep inside, a hidden permanent scar. I'm trying my best to stay strong. Please help me go through this. Thank you.

Good night.